


Love is For Children

by ink_writes16



Series: All the Words Unsaid [1]
Category: Black Widow (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, I mixed the comics and the mcu because she deserves better, cause it could be fun, it's based off a Tumblr post I saw so, just after Catws, lmk if y'all want a second chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:46:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26529190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ink_writes16/pseuds/ink_writes16
Summary: After the disaster that was taking down S.H.I.E.L.D./H.Y.D.R.A., Bucky went off the grid. Natasha had pushed him from her mind for long enough but now... Not even her own training and programming could keep her thoughts away.
Relationships: Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes/Natasha Romanov
Series: All the Words Unsaid [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1977466
Comments: 6
Kudos: 31





	1. A Box of Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She has to forget about him, she can't get caught up in the feelings that were lost in time. But maybe they're good.

Natasha was sitting on the floor of her apartment. Not the one in the tower. No, this one was an old abandoned building that she’d bought a while ago. No need to worry about nosy neighbors. 

She sat cross legged in the middle of the makeshift gym on the second floor, an empty shoebox on her left and various small objects scattered around her. She slowly, hesitantly picked up a small, red, hourglass shaped necklace.

_“Let’s run away together.” Bucky chuckled softly, and she sat up to look at him. “I’m serious.”_

_He furrowed his brows. “Talia…”  
“Neither of us want to stay here and I won’t go without you.”_

_“You know we can’t,” he said softly. “Even if we were able to get out, you know they’ll send people after us. I’d rather be here with you, instead of constantly be looking over my shoulder out there.”_

_She sighed and nodded, “I guess you’re right.”_

_He studied her face for a moment. He kissed her forehead before reaching for something on the bedside table. Natalia watched quizzically. He paused looking at the long box. He handed it to her. She took it but didn’t open it._

_“Just open it,” he smiled nervously. She did as he said and blushed softly. It was a small hourglass shaped necklace. The symbol of the Black Widow._

_“I know you haven’t officially earned the title yet but…” He shrugged, “you deserve it.”_

Natasha carefully laid it back down among the other things. She looked over the contents again, her eyes settling on a small picture. She let a small smile pull at her lips as she picked it up. It was of the two of them, laughing and smiling. The picture had been taken for a mission but the emotion in the picture had been real, the _laughter_ had been real. 

_They were sparring in the training room and she had just pinned him to the mat. He was smiling up at her._

_“You’re getting good, мой маленький паук.”_

_“зимний солдат!” She looked at the men coming toward her and let go of him. “обратно ко льду.”_

_“What?” He sat up, shaking his head. “No, no, нет.”_

_She could do nothing but watch until someone was pulling her away from him. “James!” He reached for her hand, but the men were already injecting him with something. “_ No!” _He went limp and they dragged him away, all except for the person who was holding her. She fought against them, tears threatening to escape her eyes._

_“Любовь для детей,” Madame B was saying. “Это слабость.”_

Natasha felt a tear slip down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away. “Любовь для детей,” she mumbled. “Love is for children. Love…” She tried to regain herself. “Is for children. Love…is…for children.”

Each time she said it, it got harder to say. And with each word, she believed it less.

She had echoed those words to Loki on the helicarrier when he asked her if she was saving Clint out of love. Of course it had been out of love, just not the kind he’d been asking about. She loved Clint like a brother but she didn’t lie when she told him that she owed a debt.

After they took Bucky from her, Natasha had lost herself, growing more dangerous, to others, yes, but also to herself. When Clint had found her, the mission she’d been on was her most dangerous and she hadn’t cared. If it weren’t for Clint, well, who knows where she’d be.

“Nat?”

Well, speak of the devil. She quickly put the stuff back in the box and stuffed it into her gym bag.

“I’m up here,” she called wiping her face. Clint came up the stairs with a bag of fast food. “What is that?”

“I hadn’t eaten and I wasn’t sure if you had so, food.”

She shook her head. “Thanks but I’m good.”

He put the bag down on a table, to the side watching Natasha as she got ready to hit a punching bag.

“Gloves,” he said, almost absentmindedly. She sighed and paused.

“Fine.” He watched as she out her gloves on, watching as she hit the bag harder than usual.

“Is this about S.H.I.E.L.D. or about him?”  
She stopped, suddenly regretting ever telling Clint about him. “Steve told you?”

“Mhm.”

“I’ll kill him.”  
“Nat, just talk to me. It’s the first time you’ve seen him since Odessa.”

“Yes, and in Odessa he didn’t remember me,” she snapped, whipping around at him. “And he didn’t remember me here either.”

“Tasha-”

“I’m fine, Barton.” She turned back to the punching bag. “I don’t care that he doesn’t know me. I don’t care anymore.”

 _“James, please,” she begged to the figure standing over her. “It’s me, please, don’t do this. You know me._ Please. _”_

_She couldn’t see his eyes but something changed about him, the rigidity of his posture, maybe. Maybe it was wishful thinking. A shot rang out and she looked down at the wound in her hip, then at the unmoving scientist. Wishful thinking._

Natasha shook the memory from her head. “There’s nothing I can do.”

“Help Steve find him.”

“I spent years looking for him!” She said, turning to glare at him, her voice breaking a little. “If he doesn’t want to be found, he won’t be.”

“Yeah, but think about it,” Clint started, slowly moving toward her with a small smile. “When you were looking for him, H.Y.D.R.A. had him. But they’re gone now. It’s just him.”

Natasha thought about this for a moment. “They won’t be hiding him, he won’t be in cryo…” Clint nodded his smile widening. “Oh my god, Clint, you’re a genius.”

“Thank you, I have my moments,” he teased. She laughed.

“He’s going to be fighting against the programming, he’ll be unstable. The trigger words- if anyone gets ahold of them-“

Clint shook his head. “You worry about finding him, I will find out about the rest.”

She smiled and pulled him into a hug. “Thank you.”

“That’s what I’m here for.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> мой маленький паук: My little Spider  
> зимний солдат!: Winter Soldier  
> обратно ко льду: Back to the ice.  
> нет.: No  
> Любовь для детей, Это слабость.: Love is for children. It is weakness.


	2. Out of the Mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Given a bit more information, Natasha goes to a place that might lead her to the man she's been looking for. But why that place?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You requested a chapter 2 so here it is!! And there might be more, the five is tentative. My Tumblr is behind, I haven't posted it there yet. Translations are at the end although most of them are the same in this chapter. I hope you enjoy!!

“Agent Romanov?”

Natasha looked up at the voice, cautiously covering the papers in front of her with a folder. 

“Sharon, hey,” she smiled. “I’ve told you, call me Nat.”

“Right,” Sharon stepped in and closed the door behind her, holding a manila folder close. She dropped her voice to a whisper, “I know you’re looking for him. The Winter Soldier.”

Natasha started to defend herself but Sharon shook her head. “It’s okay. I get it. I just thought...” She sighed and opened the folder, handing her one of the papers.

“Fury told me not to give you the whole file when you asked me for it before,” she explained. “I don’t know why but...here’s what I held back.”

_Natalia looked around the open street, deciding it was safe to go. Someone pulled her back into the alley, pressing her against the wall._

_«Солдат?» she said under her breath. “What are you doing here?”_

_She heard the bell above a shop door ring as people came into the street. He pressed closer to her as they passed._

_“I’m your cover," he said in her ear._

_"They didn't tell me anyone was coming."_

_"Well, then," he smirked, moving away just a bit. "Surprise."_

"This is where he is?" Natasha scanned the paper again.

"We don't know," Sharon shrugged. "He had a connection to the town outside of H.Y.D.R.A. in the past seventy years. We couldn't find out who or what it was, though."

Natasha laughed softly. "I know what it is..." The blonde raised an eyebrow at her and she smiled. "Our first date."

"Your _what?"_

"An unofficial date, anyway. Has Steve seen this?"

"No, I was going his way next-"

"Don't."

"Ag- Nat..."

"Please," she implored. Sharon hesitated but nodded.

"Alright."

"Thank you," she grinned. "For all of this."

"You know where he is?"

Natasha nodded. "I know exactly where he is."

_"You shouldn't be here." She pushed him away, pacing a bit. "They would have told me if they were sending someone else."_

_Bucky sighed, trying to reach out to her again. "Just...Talia, let me explain." She stopped and looked at him expectantly. "Okay_... _thank you. So..._ technically... _I'm not supposed to be here."_

_«Что?» She exclaimed, hitting his arm. "And if they find out?"_

_He chuckled, "ow-! They won't!"_

_"What if they go try and give you a mission and find you gone?"_

_He took a step back. "Wait...You really care, don't you?"_

_She looked away and shook her head. "no," she lied. "I just...It'd be a waste of decent talent."_

_"Aw, паук, you_ do _care."_

_She glared at him. "I am this close to getting the title, Солдат. Please, go."_

_"Call me by my name."_

_She straightened. "You've not told me anything more than Солдат."_

_"You are a terrible liar," he smirked; she made a face. "I know you looked into my file. So call me by my name."_

_She hesitated, taking a deep breath. "James. Please, go."_

_He smiled wide and pulled her close, cupping her cheek and kissing her. She tensed at first, then softened and leaned into his hand. Everything was falling into place._

_"Thank you," he whispered._

Natasha tossed her bag to the side, checking the bike on board the jet, and moving to the controls in the front. She started it up, her nerves and excitement making her hands shake.

"Nat!"

She turned. "Tony?"

"Where are you going?" He asked nonchalantly, as if he didn't actually care.

"Doesn't matter," she shrugged. "Don't worry, I'll bring your bird back safe," she added with a teasing smile. 'Depending on how well this goes,' she thought.

"It's not work related, you usually have a wig for that."

She frowned. "What do you need, Stark?"

"Do you need help?"

Natasha smiled a little and shook her head. "No, I need to do this."

Tony nodded, "Call me if you need back up."

"I will."

_Natalia stepped back. "Uh, that- I-"_

_Bucky laughed and shushed her. "You'll get us made."_

_She blushed. "We can't- Can we talk about this later, he's going to be here soon."_

_"He?"_

_"Yes, the target."_

_He nodded, "right, the mission. What is the mission exactly?"_

_She looked out around the corner again. "There's a hard drive, it's got information that could bring the whole operation down, the Red Room. All of it."_

_"Isn't that a good thing?"_

_"I...Technically, yes, but orders are orders."_

_"You really believe that?"_

_She didn't respond. He sighed and leaned against the wall._

_"Well, I have this nifty little hard drive I nicked off some guy in a pub over in London." He flipped the drive in his hand._

_"What are you implying?" She asked, turning to him._

_He smiled and shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Give them this one, the one I have. I don't know what's on it. But let the secrets be out there. It'll end them. Then we'll both be free."_

_She looked at him, processing what he was saying._

_"But I..." she hesitated. "And if they look at it?"_

_He shrugged again. "Then they got the intel wrong."_

_She scoffed. "Солдат-" He raised an eyebrow. "Barnes, I can't do that."_

_"Oh, come on," he said, moving closer again. "You and me, somewhere warmer than Russia, but not too warm."_

_She laughed softly; he took her hand and cupped her cheek. "You and me, out of this mess that we're in."_

Natasha set auto pilot, moving to grab her bag. She set it on the floor by the pilot chair. She rummaged through it, looking for the hourglass necklace.

She pulled it out with a smile, clasping it around her neck, leaving it to rest just above the arrow necklace from Clint.

"God, I hope this works..." she muttered to herself.

_"We...James, we can't."_

_His smile faded. "Why not?"_

_She shook her head, pulling away. "Stop, I...No, I can't. Even if it did work- which there's no guarantee- then where would we go? I don't... I don't belong anywhere, I can't be trusted."_

_"Talia," he said softly, "that isn't true. That's what they've made you think."_

_"No, it's what they've made_ me _," she stated. "I'm broken and you shouldn't have to pick up the pieces, that's not fair."_ _Natalia sighed and ran a hand through her hair, glancing at her watch. "And now I'm late..."_

_Bucky watched her as she gathered her stuff, his expression unreadable._

_He carefully touched her arm, trying to get her to stop and look at him._

_"мой маленький паук... look at me, please." She paused and slowly met his gaze. Mostly because he asked but partly because of what he called her. "You've been treated like a weapon your whole life. But that isn't you._ You _are beautiful, and strong, and perfect, and you deserve better. I don't know if I can give that to you but I want to try."_

Something on the console dinged and pulled Natasha out of her thoughts. She started the downward descent, letting go of the necklace around her neck.

When she landed, she pulled the bag over her shoulder and took the motorcycle, driving to the address. She'd memorized the route on the way over, needing to make herself busy.

_Natalia watched him, her face softening again. She didn't respond, finding herself at a loss for words. He sighed._

_"You're supposed to be back tomorrow morning, right?" She nodded and he took her bag. "There's an abandoned cabin on the edge of the woods, not very far from here. Stay the night there and go to the extraction point in the morning. I'll show you the way, but I won't stay if you don't want me to."_

_She nodded again. "Okay..."_

_"Okay," he echoed. He started in the direction of the woods. She followed him and slowly slipped her hand in his. Bucky smiled and pulled her closer._

Natasha stopped on the side of the road, swinging one leg over. She didn't go down the overgrown pathway.

The walls of the cabin were almost hidden by vines and tree branches. Where there was once a pebble covered walkway leading to the front door, there was only weeds. The windows were dark, save for one. She couldn't see a person but she saw a shadow.

"Someone's home," she whispered to herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> «Солдат?» : "Soldier?"  
> «Что?» : "What?"  
> мой маленький паук: My little Spider


	3. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're that Natalia. My Natalia."  
> "Yeah..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic has moved along a LOT faster than any other fic I've written. Comments and kudos are much appreciated :). Translations are at the end but they're pretty much the same as the first two

Natasha took a deep breath and started toward the cabin. She hesitated at the door. Just as she raised her fist to knock, the door opened. She smiled a little. "It's you."

"I, uh, heard you pull up," Bucky said, his voice rough with disuse. He moved aside, letting her in. She did so cautiously, noticing how he looked at her. Like he knew her but just couldn't place her.

"Do you remember me?" She asked.

He closed the door and studied her again. "You're from Washington, Steve's friend." She tried to hide her disappointment. "There's more though, isn't there? I've been trying to think of where I know you cause it's not just Washington."

She smiled softly and looked around the cabin. It had hardly changed. "Why'd you come here?"

_Natalia pushed open the door, preparing for anything as the hinges creaked. "Are you sure this is abandoned?"_

_"Yeah, it is."_

_"There's a cup of coffee on the table," she pointed out. Bucky laughed a little._

_"Yeah, that's mine. I came here before I met up with you."_

_She went around to each room, checking anyway, and locking the windows._ _"Lock the door, will you?"_

_"Talia, it's okay," he assured her. "No one knows about this place."_

_She huffed and pushed past him, closing and locking the door. "I don't want to risk anything. I did just fail to complete a mission."_

_He dropped onto the couch. "Is this the first mission you've failed?"_

_"I wouldn't have failed it if you hadn't showed up," she said pointedly._

_"Low blow," he laughed. "Just come sit down, everything will be fine."_

_She glanced out the window warily but sighed and sat on the edge of the couch, putting her head in her hands._

_"Did you mean what you said?" She asked softly. He looked at her for a moment._

_"Which part are you talking about?"_

_She looked at her hands, tugging on her sleeve. "All of it?"_

_He reached over, covering her hand with his and meeting her gaze. "Yeah, I meant it. Every word."_

_She studied his face. "I...thank you."_

_He smiled, shifting and pulling her closer. She hesitantly leaned into him until her head was resting against his chest._

_"Try and get some sleep," he mumbled, pressing a kiss into her hair._

Bucky shrugged. "I dunno. I get these flashes of memories and this was part of it."

"Did you see anything else?"

He looked away from her trying to remember. "Uh, there was someone... I just don't know who."

Natasha raised an eyebrow. "Well..." She held out her hand and he looked at it for a moment. "I'm Natalia."

A hint of a smile pulled at his lips as he shook her hand. The smile faded as his eyes landed on the necklace around her neck. "Wait, I know that."

Bucky went into one of the rooms and came out with a journal, holding it up a bit to compare it to the necklace. "You're...You're _that_ Natalia. _My_ Natalia."

Natasha laughed softly and nodded. "Yeah, I a-"

"You need to leave."

"What?"

"You can't stay here," he said, taking her arm and leading her toward the door.

"Wait! James-"

"Don't. Please, I need you to go."

"Why?" She asked pulling out of his grip.

"They'll come for me," he said. She had never seen this much fear in his eyes. "I know that they will."

"They won't," she assured him softly. "You're safe now."

"No, I-" He sighed and moved forward cupping her cheeks. "You need to leave, they can't get you, too."

She shook her head and kissed his palm. "Come with me. I promise, we'll be safe, _please."_

_"Hey, James?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_She shifted a bit in his arms and looked up at him. "Do you think we'll ever actually be able to...to leave?"_

_He smiled at her. "You're supposed to be sleeping."_

_"And you're avoiding the question. You don't think we will?"_

_He took a breath and thought over the question. "I think...eventually, we will. One way or another, I'm gonna get you out of here."_

"You asked me once to run away with you, and I said I couldn't," Natasha said. "A few weeks later, I said the same thing and you said no. Tell me what changed."

Bucky pulled back a little, tilting his head a bit. "They found out."

Her breath caught. "Found out about us?"

He sighed and brushed hair behind his ear. "No- well, yes, but about the hard drive."

"You gave them the fake? James..."

"I thought I was helping you."

"Is that why they took you?" He clenched his jaw and she scoffed. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Wait, Talia, hush." The nickname kept her quiet. "Someone's here," he said softly. "Were you followed?"

She gave him a look. "No, Barnes, I wasn't."

He smiled a bit and pressed himself against the door. She moved to the window, staying out of sight.

"James, it's okay. I know him.” She frowned and Bucky stepped out of her way as she opened the door. "Clint, what are you doing here?"

"Tasha, there you are," he said exasperated. He nearly tripped on a tree root. "Christ, what is this place?"

"Barton."

He sighed. "I got a text from Sharon. Then from Tony. Then from Steve, asking where you were. So I stole a jet and Sharon sent me the file."

Natasha ran her hands through her hair. "Fantastic," she mumbled.

"Talia?" She turned back to Bucky, a quizzical look on his face.

"It's okay," she said, holding her hand out to him. "I want you to meet Clint."

"Oh, my god, you found him."

She nodded and smiled as Bucky moved next to her. "Yeah, I did. James, this is Clint. He... He helped me get out, after they took you."

"How long after?" She looked down, hiding the truth. He looked at her, understanding (and a bit of guilt) dawning on him, then looked at Clint. “Nice to meet you.”

“You too. I've heard quite a bit about you."

Bucky started to say something but instead, gently, pulled Natasha away.

"I need you to take him and go," he said softly.

"I'm not going anywhere without you."

"Please, мой маленький паук. The words, they're still in my head. I can't be trusted."

She brushed a hair behind his ear. "No, love. That's just what they've made you think."

"I..." he laughed and shook his head. "I need some time. To get this stuff out. Please."

She paused, pulling a burner phone out of her pocket. "My number is in here. Call me. Please."

He smiled and nodded. "Of course, паукообразное _."_

She surveyed him for a moment longer, standing on her toes to pull him into a kiss. "Thank you."

"Anything for you," he mumbled. "But you should go."

"Yeah," she said, pulling away. She turned to Clint, who was examining a small hole in a tree. "You are so dramatic."

He looked at her. "What? Oh, no, I wasn't paying attention. But does this look like a bullet hole to you?"

"It is. Come on, bird."

"Wait, what?" She took his arm and tugged him toward the road. He started toward his bike and she turned back to Bucky with a smile. He waved to her and watched as they drove away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> мой маленький паук: My little spider  
> паукообразное: Arachnid  
> I just really love the thought of him calling her spider/arachnid


	4. The First But Not the Last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This wasn't right, she knew that but no one would listen to her. Something about her being biased. Her Bucky, her James, wouldn't have bombed the United Nations. And if he had, he wouldn't have gotten caught.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One chapter left!!! I'm honestly really proud of how this one has turned out. Thanks for the amazing support, it is greatly appreciated. As always, translations are at the end. Also keep in mind that I don't really know Russian so if the phrases are wrong, then feel free to correct me.

“ _You’re okay,” she managed and he nodded. He said some"Widow! On your six!"_

_"I can't- just hold on." She reached across the panel and hit a button. "It's not working, Bucky!"_

* * *

_Bucky tried stepping closer, the covering her. "Keep trying, I'll deal with them."_

_The numbers ticked down, lower and lower. "None of these buttons actually do anything," Natalia said in frustration. "It's somewhere else, we don't have time!"_

_"How much is left?"_

_"Uh, half a minute. You need to go, I'll keep trying."_

_He pulled her away from the panel, breaking the glass on one of the windows. "You are not staying."_

_She frowned, "No-"_

_"Jump! I'll be right behind you."_

_She huffed but did as he said. There was a blast from above her, windows shattering from the floor she'd just come from. And Bucky wasn't there._

_"James!_ "

Natasha shook her head. "It wasn't him. None of that was his fault. I can attest to that!"

"He was caught on camera!" Tony said, pointing at the screen.

"he's smarter than that. If he bombed the U.N. he wouldn't have done it like that."

"I don't know what to tell you." Natasha huffed and stood. “Nat.” She ignored him and left the office. “Natasha!”

“Find Steve,” she called over her shoulder. “He’s going to cause problems.”

Natasha went to the stairwell and leaned against the wall. This wasn’t her James, it couldn’t have been him. He was trying to get the words out of his head, that’s what he’d told her a year ago. She never should have left him.

_Natalia looked at the burning scene above her, her senses shutting everything out. She didn’t feel the hand on her arm, pulling her to her feet. Her ears were ringing, probably from the blast. But she could hear a faint voice calling her. She turned and saw Bucky, talking to her but she couldn’t hear exactly what he was saying._

_“You’re okay,” she managed. He nodded and said something again but she shook her head. "I can't- love, I can't hear you."_

_She saw him sigh and she turned back to the building. "We have to go."_

_He nodded again and took her hand._

Natasha watched Bucky being taken into the small cell, his hands secured. She started toward him but Tony stepped in front of her.

"Don't," he said softly. "He doesn't get visitors. Trust me on this one."

She looked past him and nodded. He motioned in the direction of the offices, signaling her to go in that direction. She glared at him.

"Nat."

She took one last look at Bucky, who gave her a soft, scared, smile.

"Fine," she spat, turning away from him and catching up with Steve and Sam.

_Bucky pressed a kiss to her forehead and held her close, using his sleeve to wipe dirt off her cheek. They were on the top floor of an abandoned building, waiting for the extraction chopper to land on the roof._

_"Baby, you’re bleeding," he said softly. "Can you hear me?"_

_She nodded a bit, pushing away from him. He frowned as her hand slipped out of his._

_"You almost died," she said._

_"Yeah, that keeps happening," he joked. His smile faded when he saw her face. "Talia, I'm fine."_

_"You almost weren't," she snapped. She stood and put her head in her hands, taking a deep breath. When she lowered her hands, tears had streaked down her cheeks._

_"паукообразное-"_

_There was a sound above them, the sound of the extraction chopper._

_"It's fine," she mumbled, wiping her cheeks. "Remember they can't know, so..."_

_"Talia-"_

Natasha had turned the audio off in the room Bucky was being kept in. She didn't mind the cameras but she wanted to keep the conversation between the two of them.

She slipped into the room and closed the door.

"паук," Bucky said smiling a little. "I was wondering when you'd come."

"I had to ditch my bodyguard," she joked. “You never called.”

He sighed. “I know, sorry.”

“Why not?”

“I saw what you’d been doing. With…the Avengers and Steve… That’s more important than I am. I would have been a distraction.”

She grimaced at the words. “I’d appreciate if, for _once_ , I got to decide what was distracting for me,” she said raising an eyebrow. “Because it was more distracting not knowing where you were. Not knowing if you were okay." She looked away and sighed. "I would have made you my number one priority, you above anyone,” she added quietly.

“Talia…”

She shook her head and sighed. “So, after I found you in Russia, you went to Bucharest? Of all places?"

He shrugged, as best he could anyway. "I remembered it."

"Oh, right. The place where you almost died."

"Well, that's more than one place," he said. "That's not what I remembered, not originally." She looked at him, a bit confused. "It's the first place you said you loved me."

_Natalia ignored him and started toward the stairwell. He followed her, grabbing her arm gently. "Please, talk to me."_

_She pulled free and turned to him, hesitating for a moment. "I don't know what I would do without you."_

_His face softened and he opened his mouth to respond but nothing came out. She looked away and straightened, continuing up the stairs, leaving him there. She climbed onto the chopper, where two agents waited to take them back._

_«Где же Зимний Солдат?»_

_«приход»_

_Bucky emerged from the doorway a few moments later, his expression unreadable. He got on and closed the door behind him. He was pressed against Natalia's shoulder, his hand sliding into hers and squeezing it tightly._

_"I didn't say the wrong thing?" She mouthed; he shook his head._

"I hate to break it to you," she said with a nervous laugh, "but I never... I didn't actually say it. You did but..."

"You didn't have to."

The door behind her opened, but she didn't turn to see who it was. Her eyes stayed on Bucky and her smile widened.

"Ms. Romanov, you need to leave."

"Neither did you," she told Bucky. There was a hint of a smile on his face as she left the room.

Tony met her outside the room but she didn't stop to talk to him. He walked alongside her anyway.

"What were you thinking? Maximum security, Nat. he bombed the U.N."

"I was thinking," she smiled. "Him and I never broke up."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> паукообразное: Arachnid  
> паук: Spider  
> «Где же Зимний Солдат?»: “Where is the Winter Soldier?”  
> «приход»: “Coming.”


	5. Goodbyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha's on the run, or she's supposed to be. She got a bit...held up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god we've reached the end I'm losing my mind I'm really proud of it. I think that there's going to be a sequel for. Reasons but that's still in the air because Motivation and Creativity aren't always a thing dfjs

Natasha adjusted the controls of the small plane she was about to take off in. It wasn’t the greatest condition but it would do. Since she had been on the run, she had stolen one of Tony’s most expensive cars, disabled the GPS on it, totaled it (as a personal “screw you” to the billionaire), and had flirted her way into getting a hold of a small cargo plane. She wasn’t sure where she was going to go but she knew she couldn’t stay.

She had talked to Laura, Clint’s wife, and had to break the news to her about where he was at that present moment. Laura had offered her a bed but she had to decline. She wouldn’t put Clint’s family in danger like that. She knew Ross’s men were all too eager to have a chance at taking down “the infamous Black Widow.”

They were all just mad she’d bested them.

_Natalia followed the group of people she was “guarding”. They were the higher ups, they didn’t need guarding. She was there to be shown off, to be used in demonstrations._

_They moved into a large room with six tall chambers. She stopped for a moment._

_“James…” she whispered. She realized the group had moved on so she caught up. They stopped in front of the chamber he was in. Someone talked about the Winter Soldier program but she wasn’t paying attention, not that she needed to. She couldn’t stand seeing him this way._

_As the group moved to the next thing, she hung back, stepping close to the chamber. A tear slipped down her cheek._

_“I’m going to get us out of the mess we’re in.” She pressed one hand to the glass while the other held the necklace._

She pulled the plane out to the runway but stopped.

“Who parks a car in the middle of an airstrip?” She muttered to herself.

The doors opened and T’challa stepped out, along with a few of the Dora Milaje. Panic rose in her. She moved to the back of the plane, taking a breath.

“Natasha Romanov,” someone called. She opened the plane door and got down.

“You’re majesty,” she said, the words devoid of the respect he was used to.

“I understand your anger,” he said. “You were not easy to find.”

“Well, that is the intention. Because, thanks to you, I’m a fugitive now.”

One of the Dora Milaje started to step forward but T’challa raised his hand, stopping her. Natasha tensed at the movement.

“We are not here to arrest you.”

“Then why are are you here?”

He paused and stepped forward. “Its about James Barnes.”

_The hall was dark and she liked it that way. Natalia kept close to the walls, slipping from hall to hall silently. She finally got to the door she’d been looking for for months. Now, she knew the codes, she’d seen it. She had a small duffel over her shoulder and she had snuck a pair of the Widowsbite from the armory._

_Natalia got to the door and put the code in. The door opened, revealing the chambers again. She moved to his chamber again with a smile._

_A smile that didn’t last._

_He wasn’t there._

_The chamber was open, Bucky was gone._

“If you touch him, I swear to god-“

“We have no intention of harming him. In fact we are trying to help him.”

Natasha softened. “What? Last I heard, you wanted to kill him.”

“Things have changed,” T’challa said with a small shrug. “I found out I was wrong. My sister is trying to clear the words from his mind.”

She nodded and he took another hesitant step forward.

“He believes,” he started, lowering his volume. “That it would be better if he was placed in the cryogenics until the task is completed.”

She took a breath, trying to compose herself. “I see. And he wants me there?” T’challa nodded; she scoffed. “And if I refuse?”

“He thought you might say that,” he chuckled. “He says that you do not have to see him if you don’t want to. He understands, after everything that has happened, if you don’t want to.”

She sighed and shook her head. “When do you plan to put him under?”

“He wants to wait until he has your answer.”

“Of course,” Natasha scoffed again.

“I, however, would advise sooner rather than later,” he said. “We have the notebook, safe. But he is still unstable.”

She stepped away turning her back on the group to think. After a few moments she looked at the king again. "How do I know there's not a team waiting for me when I get there, hm? And this is all just bait to arrest me."

He smiled and laughed, slightly amused. "You will have full immunity for as long as you are there. It can't be long, but we will do what we can."

She searched for any sign of deceit or a reason for doubt. "Okay," she said softly. "I'll come."

_The door closed behind her, leaving her in the dark, save for the light from the chambers. She didn’t know what to do, she didn’t know where to hide._

_“You shouldn’t be here.” She turned toward the voice but no one was there._

_“James? Are you there?”_

_“My name is not James.”_

_Shots rang out and she ducked behind the chamber. If it was him, someone had to let him out. He couldn’t unfreeze from-_

_Another few shots rang out._

_“James, please,” she called. “Please, just talk to me.”_

_“Stop calling me that.”_

_A shot hit close to where she was and something clicked in her head._

_He was an expert marksman. If he was told to kill her, she’d be dead. Either someone told him just to shoot to scare, or, subconsciously, he knew he didn’t want to hurt her. She stood, smiling a bit as she saw him by one of the chambers._

_“Well, come on then,” she taunted. “I won’t make it easy.”_

Natasha was staring out the window of the Wakandan jet, absentmindedly messing with the necklace around her neck.

"Ms. Romanov?"

She shook the thoughts from her head and looked at the speaker.

"Our King thought you should be warned that...well, you aren't exactly a celebrity in Wakanda right now."

"Yeah, well, what's new." She smiled softly. The warrior nodded and started to leave but hesitated.

"Sergeant Barnes talks fondly of you. He says you helped him more than he could repay."

Natasha laughed to herself. "Thank you."

The warrior nodded with a smile and left. Natasha watched as they headed directly for a mountainside. She panicked for a moment but was intrigued enough that she wanted to watch. They got closer and she braced for an impact that didn't come. As they approached the castle she saw two figures she recognized.

"You didn't tell me Rogers was here." T'challa looked at her and nodded.

"Yes, I brought them both back from Siberia."

She furrowed her brows. "Siberia?"

He explained to her what had happened and she nodded. "For some reason, I'm not surprised."

_Natalia dodged back and forth, never getting hit. Now, she stood in front of him, both unarmed. She’d made sure he’d run out of ammunition._

_“James, please-“ He threw the first punch and she dodged it, stepping to the side to avoid his usual next move. “You and I, were going to leave,” she continued calmly, dodging another blow. “That’s why I’m here, to get us out.”_

_"I don't know you." He swung for her again and she blocked the blow, catching his arm._

_"You do, just listen to me."_

_He paused for a moment then took her arm, holding it tightly as he swiped her feet out from under her. She crashed to the floor with a groan. His foot connected with her side and she turned over a bit. Something wrapped around her neck and tightened._

_"You...you trained me," she managed. "You promised...t-to get me out. Please... You don't want to hurt me. You told me you loved me."_

_His hold on her loosened and she dropped to the ground, coughing, as he watched her for a moment. Something flashed behind his eyes._

_Recognition. Or guilt. There was a noise near one wall and they both looked toward it. But when she looked back up at him. He was gone again._

The back of the plane opened and she slowly walked down the ramp. Bucky and Steve were both smiling up at her. She stopped in front of them, a serious expression on her face.

"You both left Tony. In Siberia. With a broken suit."

They're smiles faded and they exchanged a look.

"Hi, babe, how are you?" Bucky said sarcastically, his smile returning. She raised an eyebrow at him, a smile creeping over her own features. He pulled her into a tight one armed hug, tears in his eyes. "God, I missed you."

She moved back a bit so she could see his face. "You should have called," she teased.

He rolled his eyes, cupping her cheek and kissing her. After a moment, she looked at Steve, not smiling anymore.

"Hey, Nat," he said.

"I will deal with you later," she said bitterly. He looked at Bucky, who furrowed his brows a bit.

"I didn't mean...I'm sorry."

"I'm sure you are," she snapped.

"Talia, just calm down," Bucky said, running his hand down her arm. "If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be here."

"And if it weren't for him, I _could_ be here." She looked up at him and realized he didn't know. She softened a little. "I'll explain later, just... I want to talk to you. In-In private." He nodded and took her hand, giving Steve an apologetic look. T'challa instructed Ayo, the warrior who had talked to Natasha on the jet, to take them to an empty sitting room.

When it was just them, Bucky sat on the edge of one of the couches while Natasha stayed standing. They watched each other for a few moments, not wanting to say anything that might ruin their reunion.

"Do you have to?" She asked softly. He nodded and gave her a sad smile. She sighed and covered her face.

"It'll be okay, паук," he assured, moving close to her. He ran brushed her hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear. "As soon as the princess finishes, she's going to call you."

Natasha hesitated. "Actually...she won't."

"What do you mean?" She looked down to avoid his gaze. "Is this about what Steve did?"

"Sort of," she said, hesitantly. "I don't know, not really."

He laughed a little. "It's not like you to be so unsure."

"When I let you guys get to the QuinJet... T'challa told Ross I let you escape. Before he knew it wasn't you." Understanding dawned on him.

"Because you helped us, you broke the Accords."

She nodded. "They're looking for me now."

"So just stay here," he said. "The king said he'd give you immunity. And I want you here."

"Baby, you'll be frozen. And who knows how long it'll take them." She shook her head. "I can't put people at risk like that."

He sighed and nodded. "Right...well, I-I have something for you."

She laughed a little. "You have to stop giving me gifts; it's making me look bad."

"You'll just have to step up your game, Arachnid." She grinned at the old nickname. He smiled and pulled a small book out of his pocket. It was leather bound and had a few place markers sticking out of it.

"Is that..." She shook her head. "I can't take that."

"Talia, I want you to have it please." He held the journal out to her and she pushed it away.

"No. You should have it. In case you- No, I don't want it."

"If this works, I don't think I'll need it." He kissed her forehead and he put the book to the side so he could take her hand again. "I love you, and nothing is going to change that."

A tear slipped down Natasha's cheek. "James..."

" _Please_ ," he almost sounded desperate. "I've done a lot of bad things. To other people and to you. This book...It doesn't change anything but it'll remind you."

"Stop talking like you're dying," she said, not entirely joking. He smiled sadly. "I can't lose you again."

"You'll be okay," he nodded. "You can't rid of me that easily."

She nodded slightly and looked at the notebook on the chair, quiet for a few moments. "You're a good man, James."

"Not really," he said, studying her carefully. "But you're the only one who understands that." She smiled and kissed him softly. "Be careful while I'm gone?"

She shrugged, "I can't promise anything."

He chuckled and kissed her again. "Go easy on Steve, he's no good under pressure."

She started to say something when the door opened. They both turned to see who it was.

"Princess Shuri."

Shuri smiled wide, looking at Natasha. "Hi, Shuri is fine." She turned to Bucky. "We're ready. Whenever you are."

He nodded and Shuri looked between the two of them again before turning to leave, muttering something about relationship goals.

"I...guess you have to go then," Natasha said quietly.

"It's going to be okay," he said, pulling her into another hug. "We're going to be fine."

She nodded against him and took a breath before pulling away. "I can't...I can't watch it, love. I..."

"It's okay," he said. "I just wanted to see you before they put me under."

She sniffled and nodded. "You should go..."

He watched her for a moment. "Yeah." He reluctantly pulled away, following Shuri. He paused for a moment at the door and smiled again.

"Wait, James."

He stopped and looked at her quizzically.

She paused and swallowed, "I love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've read the comics you know that the whole "you're a good man James" "not really but you're the only one who understands that" is paraphrased (or exactly I honestly don't know) from the comics. I did want to put this out there just as a disclaimer because I don't want to get sued kfjdh.


End file.
